#Hitler's balls

[tiramegtoons]

extras cause i forgor

your Tali'Zorah looks so good @asunder-aim

also Yomiel is ded how could you/j @areindeerlime to quote @geiraan

[dickensianenglishbulldog]

The Royal Albert hall: paragon of the arts; uniter of people and receptacle for the testicle of a dictator.

[wisebilly]

chat

[duskmite]

binged the first nine episodes of ted lasso in one sitting and have to say that though the transition from wanker (derogatory) to wanker (affectionate) is beautiful, real life british football fans would’ve come up with a song so brutal and demoralising it would make the usually unflappable ted consider walking into the ocean

[othernaut]

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society: the funniest fucking Wikipedia article I've ever read.

It starts off so, so strong.

You know you're getting into some prime, dry-narrative/hilarious-subject Wikipedia magic here. The sheer absurdity of the phrase slaps you in the face like a single, tyrannical testicle. But what is the subject, if not Hitler's lonely genital? To quote:

"Hitler Has Only Got One Ball", sometimes known as "The River Kwai March", is a World War II British song, the lyrics of which, sung to the tune of the World War I-era "Colonel Bogey March", impugn the masculinity of Nazi leaders by alleging they had missing, deformed, or undersized testicles."

And again...

"The song has been cited as an example of morally-correct disrespect that used political mockery to boost morale in wartime."

So, in short, a meme song. A World War II meme song. About Hitler's balls. Ball. But Hitler's ball does not stand alone! We have so many other nads to talk about, as the lyrics propose:

"Hitler has only got one ball, Göring has two but very small, Himmler is rather sim'lar, But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all."

And which, being magical, beautiful Wikipedia, came...

... with reference images...

... the world's most beautifully captioned reference images...

... for every single line...

... of the song. Fuck me, I need these printed on a flag, that I might wave it around at protests.

The article then just delves into analysis, the kind of in-depth Hitler Study analysis that comes from generations of bone-dry academics with respected positions and better salaries than me picking apart every single word, reference, and poetic intimation of a four-line World War II meme song. For example...

Suggestions, opinions, papers written about Hitler's one ball. Respected academics whistling the ball song in between measured responses. And what the hell is mad studies?

Well, that's going to be me for the rest of the night. But no! We mustn't get distracted! If we do, we miss the gender theory!

The Shakespeare!

The guy trying to profit off of the meme song!

The apocrypha!

And the second verse!

Rommel has four or five, I guess, No one's quite sure 'bout Rudolf Hess, Schmeling's always yelling, But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

Which is where we get into the most wonderfully Wikipedia part of it all as, being a hyperlinked encyclopedia of everything, every single reference, diversion, supposition, paper, field of study, side subject and random-ass tangent links into an evening's worth of wide-eyed eurekae initiated, again, by a World War II meme song about testicles. Nothing has made me want to donate two bucks to Wikipedia more than this.

History is a liquid. It takes the shape of its container, that being the cultural context of the present moment. The most magical moments in history, I find, are those points when people act like people - Pompeii's dirty graffiti, the fart enlightenment poem, the sports riots, the little obsessions, in-jokes, and memes. That jolt of connection when you see a 2,000-year-old dick drawn onto a latrine wall and recognize not only what it is but why it is - that is actually, seriously one of the most compelling feelings of human unity there is. People are still people. People were always people. Farts will always be funny. When we're alone and scared, we'll sing songs about balls, and that's unironically what makes us wonderful.

And so, in the same vein, to the same melody, but for a new time, I'd like to submit...

Bezos' dick fell off in space

Jerkin' it on the human race

Elon's has got no feelin'

I don't think Zuck had one in the first place.

[mads-weasley]

Numbers 1 and 25 for the historical ask! Wondering if we could change #1 to be favorite historical woman!! 🖤

Hello!! I love these questions!!

Who is your favorite historical woman?

Okay, there are so, so many, but one of my favorites is actually Abigail Adams! When the Constitution was being written, she constantly nagged her husband (John Adams) to "remember the ladies!" Even though he ✨ didn't ✨ I love her bravery in fighting for the rights of women even in the 1770s & 80s.

25. Most overrated historical figure in your opinion?

Okay, no offense to my British friends on here, but I think Neville Chamberlain is one of the most overrated historical figures. He let Hitler get exactly what he wanted leading up to WW2, even if he didn't realize it, ofc (and was being played by Hitler). Appeasement clearly didn't work, and the Czech people paid the price of the Munich Agreement exactly one year before Hitler invaded Poland in '39.

[ergativeabsolutive]

On the one hand, the fine details of the future of the post-US space are really something we can only answer when a “post-US” anything is actually in the cards, and insufficiently informed imbeciles (myself included!) arguing about it on the internet basically solves nothing.

On the other hand, it is absolutely a big deal and something that needs to be talked about repeatedly, indefinitely, and without delay because the stakes are too high. While there is an urgent need for revolution, it’s something we really have to do right or not at all. We cannot afford to get it wrong, honestly. I fully believe that a social-imperialist America would be (or at least risk becoming!) even worse than the dying US empire is even really capable of being, in so many ways.

[ladythatsmyskull]

From Tortoise Beats Hare (1943). 

[syrinq]

thinking about the fact that the jelly bean janemba dragon ball movie has a comedy sideplot with fucking adolf hitler in it

[hollow-keys]

I can't believe I missed the anniversary of Hitler shooting himself this year.

[mugiwara-lucy]

Imagine if Vegeta ACTUALLY stayed dead after this.

this moment in fusion reborn is killing me.. I've never seen these expressions on their faces before. they both look so happy and sad at the same time. vegeta accepting and returning goku's genuine offer of affection was so so good. what more can i say do u understand

[justaholeinmysoul]

Maybe 2023 is the year I finally exit this miserable empty life and leave more air to breathe to those who deserve it

[girlactionfigure]

This was written by Eric Hoffer in 1968. Amazing how some things never change.

"The Jews are a peculiar people: things permitted to other nations are forbidden to the Jews.

Other nations drive out thousands, even millions of people and there is no refugee problem. Russia did it, Poland and Czechoslovakia did it, Turkey threw out a million Greeks, and Algeria a million Frenchmen. Indonesia threw out heaven knows how many Chinese-and no one says a word about refugees. But in the case of Israel the displaced Arabs have become eternal refugees. Everyone insists that Israel must take back every single Arab. Arnold Toynbee calls the displacement of the Arabs an atrocity greater than any committed by the Nazis.

Other nations when victorious on the battlefield dictate peace terms. But when Israel is victorious it must sue for peace. Everyone expects the Jews to be the only real Christians in this world.

Other nations when they are defeated survive and recover but should Israel be defeated it would be destroyed. Had Nasser triumphed last June he would have wiped Israel off the map, and no one would have lifted a finger to save the Jews.

No commitment to the Jews by any government, including our own, is worth the paper it is written on. There is a cry of outrage all over the world when people die in Vietnam or when two Negroes are executed in Rhodesia. But when Hitler slaughtered Jews no one remonstrated with him.

The Swedes, who are ready to break of diplomatic relations with America because of what we do in Vietnam, did not let out a peep when Hitler was slaughtering Jews. They sent Hitler choice iron ore, and ball bearings, and serviced his troop trains to Norway.

The Jews are alone in the world. If Israel survives, it will be solely because of Jewish efforts. And Jewish resources. Yet at this moment Israel is our only reliable and unconditional ally. We can rely more on Israel than Israel can rely on us. And one has only to imagine what would have happened last summer had the Arabs and their Russian backers won the war to realize how vital the survival of Israel is to America and the West in general.

I have a premonition that will not leave me; as it goes with Israel so will it go with all of us. Should Israel perish the holocaust will be upon us."

Uri Kurlianchik

@VerminusM

[dandelionjack]

let’s kill hitler sucks absolute balls but you have to admit that freshly regenerated batshit insane teenage murderer river song going “oh, i was just on my way to a gay rromani bar mitzvah for the disabled when i suddenly thought, gosh, the third reich’s a bit rubbish, i think i’ll kill the fuhrer” to a bunch of nazi guards, promptly taking 25 bullets and shaking them off like she’s in a perfume commercial is one of the hardest sequences in the entire show. you can almost see ‘written and directed by quentin tarantino’

[ratt-fried-this-pasta]

i disagree with that statement based on personal experiences with the internet but my own sanity prevents me from displaying any horrid examples of my own argument thank you goobdye

It’s crazy that no one makes art like this of modern politicians like they used to make of Napoleon and Tsar Alexander in the 1800s 😭😭😭